We’re All Trying Not to Be “Transactional” (And It’s Getting Confusing)
I’ve been thinking about how much people don’t like the word networking anymore.
It feels transactional. Forced. Sometimes even calculated.
So the language changed.
I understand why that shift happened. There is something about walking into a room with the intention to network that can feel like you are showing up with strategy before sincerity.
But I keep wondering if anything actually changed, or if we just softened how it sounds.
Because now I notice something else. We’ve created spaces that feel relational, but are still very much tied to business.
People are less likely to say directly why they are there. Instead, it becomes things like “I just want to connect”, or “I love supporting other women”, or “I am just here to build community”.
And those things can all be true. But underneath that, there are still real needs. Clients. Collaborators. Visibility. Support. Opportunity.
A lot of the time it feels like we are all moving around those needs without actually naming them out loud. Like there is pressure not to sound too transactional… while still being in a transactional space.
I’ve caught myself doing it too. Softening how I ask for things. Leading with warmth so it feels more natural. Trying to build the relationship first so the opportunity feels like it developed on its own.
And if I am honest, as a woman of color, who’s also a full-time entrepreneur, I already feel like there is a lot of weight around making “the ask” in the first place.
At some point I had to ask myself why being direct about what I need feels like something I should dilute.
When people say things that speak to the relational aspect – I understand the intention behind it. It is usually about belonging. And maybe, that space does replicate a familiar feeling.
But professional environments still come with some type of expectations, structure, and accountability. And I do appreciate the spaces that have a more relaxed approach to networking, as it makes it feel more accessible. But when those lines get blurred too much, it creates confusion. It becomes harder to know what is expected, what is optional, and what is actually being offered.
Please hear me when I say – I believe in the power of real relationships. Some of the strongest friendships I have came from shared values, mutual respect, and alignment that developed over time.
Nothing forced. Nothing labeled too early. It just became what it was.
Those relationships were not built in a single conversation. They took time. Consistency, vulnerability, and experiences… outside of professional spaces.
And maybe this is where things get misaligned.
Those kinds of moments are not always going to happen in a coffee chat or a networking mixer or a happy hour or a gala. Not because those spaces do not matter, but because they are not designed for depth. They are designed for exposure, access, and discovery. But sometimes we expect them to create something deeper than they are built for.
Maybe the issue is not networking versus community. Maybe the issue is intention.
I do not think we need to get rid of networking, AND I do not think we need to strip warmth from how we connect. But for me, avoiding clarity does not make things more authentic. It becomes harder to make a clear ask. Harder to understand what someone else is offering. Harder to say yes with confidence. Harder to say no without overthinking it.
And for people who already carry hesitation around advocating for themselves, that lack of clarity adds another layer.
Lately, I have been thinking about how I want to approach this differently. Walking into spaces with intention, even if I am the only one who knows it. Being more honest when I do have an ask instead of over-softening it. Letting connections stay in their natural form instead of trying to force depth too quickly. When something feels aligned, personally taking the time to build it beyond that first interaction.
All in all, maybe the shift is simpler than we are making it. Say what you are building. Say what you need. Let people decide how they want to show up.
Welcome to “The Networking (?) Series”: a blog series unpacking the expectations, challenges, and evolving culture of networking, relationships, and belonging. More conversations coming your way soon.